the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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