Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
