I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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