Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
