Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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