I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
