He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
