So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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