I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
