ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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