I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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