You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
