Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
