worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
