im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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