I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
