I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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