I want you more than these girls want KFC
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
