WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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