you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You left your phone here
Wait...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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