I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
