OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
