so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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