he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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