how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
