if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
