Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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