I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am available for nakedness
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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