3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
