cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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