I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
