your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You have to summon your inner elephant
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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