Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
