ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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