Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
