saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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