I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sext me about skeletons
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
