i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize