Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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