People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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