I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
