Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Bring me that man meat
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
