i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The uberlube is also flammable
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
