I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
