Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
