I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
