mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
