I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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