Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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