she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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