i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
