I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
