Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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