youre lurking in front of me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
