I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
