did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dicks are not precious.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
