Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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