i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
