she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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