Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Text me some of your sweat
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