dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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