yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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