When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
