White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
