so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
