Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize