im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
