You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
