An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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