I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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