Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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