you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
