Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
